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Many otherwise extremely successful people have reflected that without the intimacy of a sustained and loving relationship all their accomplishments mean very little; and that without someone to share their success, their life remains empty and unfulfilled.

As humans we are wired for connection with others. We are social animals. We have evolved our primate sensibilities and perceptions over millions of years. Our skills for communicating and interacting with other people embody the essence of who we are. Have you noticed that those skills seem to grow stronger when you are in deepening proximity to others, or more precisely to an-other, with whom you are coming into increasing degrees of intimacy and loving ease?

Without the sort of intimacy that we experience with a mate, a companion, or a lover, we may be missing an essential catalyst, something that is uniquely capable of moving us towards  greater fulfillment.  I do not just mean sexual intimacy, but something more encompassing – that may or may not include sex.

There is much to be said for solitude. We may indeed be wired for that too. Some of us thrive on it. However, it may be that the stillness we look for in solitude is only a substitute for the profound quiet that evolves so well in the crucible of satisfied love.

Carl Jung wrote that we marry our unconscious, which I take to mean that we marry what we unconsciously deem will complete us. Whether or not that’s a good thing is entirely dependent on what goes on in our unconscious world – beliefs, decisions that we made long ago, and the expectations we derive from past experiences and relationships. If we’re out of whack with our unconscious mind, any sort of marriage is likely to be a disaster.

Let’s say that by default we travel a journey towards wholeness, as best we know how. The journey is fuelled by deep forces within our cells and in our neurology. Our map is largely made up of those old beliefs, decisions, and perceptions. How conscious we are of them is largely dependent on how congruent we are within ourselves, in other words, on how congruent our conscious and unconscious mind is. The less we are in alignment with our unconscious desires, needs, and constructs, the more we are likely to run aground on the rocks of our unresolved issues.

Like the captain of a ship, our conscious mind calls the shots, but unless we have a good rapport with our crew (our unconscious mind) a shipwreck is imminent. If you are looking for a relationship to fix your failings with the crew, then the shipwreck is likely to play out as a difficult and painful relationship, or perhaps as the painful inability to sustain any relationship at all.

All this is to say simply, that a deep and healthy relationship fulfills a basic human need that the majority of people can benefit from; and that to have that sort of relationship you must first be in a good relationship with yourself – in rapport with your own unconscious mind.

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The keys are simple. Here are some of them:

• Learn or know what you want. Learn what you value in a relationship.
• Know that no one can ‘fix’ you.
• Know that you are indeed marrying your unconscious mind and that however ideal your relationship is, you will always be learning something new.
• Disappointment is a good teacher. You are usually disappointing yourself.
• Communication is never 50-50, it’s always 100% your responsibility.

As a closing thought, I remember hearing an account of the last time that the great philosopher and social thinker Herbert Marcuse lectured at the University of Santa Barbara, shortly before his death. He spoke of his wife and family, of familial and romantic love. Here was one of the greatest political thinkers of his generation, speaking to a standing-room only auditorium, distilling his work down to its essentials, and coming up with the one thing that he, and perhaps most us, in the end, value most.

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Among the community of teachers from several Buddhist traditions that I am a part of, there is a topic of dicussion that is frequently revisited. This is the subject of teacher misconduct, particularly in the areas of the sex and power. Misconduct in this instance means abuse of privilege and trust by teachers.

Over the past several decades many Buddhist lineage traditions in the west have had to deal with unfortunate incidents involving bad habits, or bad choices, by teachers. These have often resulted in fragmentation, confusion in the respective communities, and the disillusionment and departure of students. Though it must also be said that, as with any collective process, such things can often bring depth of understanding and maturity to the common experience. Yet  when lessons come in this way, they come at a very high price.

It may also be true that such events have contributed to a growing puritanical tendency in Buddhist convert communities in the west.

Of course, abuse of authority occurs in other areas of our lives – in education, medicine, mental health, and in the military. However, Buddhist training usually involves a long-term relationship with a teacher, profound existential transformation, as well as  the resulting vulnerability that can occur for the student on their journey.

In addition, Buddhism has been carried for centuries by a largely male dominated and significantly patriarchal Asian tradition. There are distinct cultural differences from culture to culture; but typically, the authority of the traditional Asian teacher, and teaching style, was rarely challenged. As Buddhism transitioned to the west, this has sometimes led to a confusion between authority and privilege.

Buddhist ethics in the form of the Five Precepts has been a basic guideline since the time of the Buddha. They are generic, and they may not address the full complexity of contemporary life. Yet as a broad set of principles they seem to be a perfect foundation for conscious leadership: non-violence, respect for property, sexual integrity, mindful speech, mindful consumption ..

Here is the Manzanita Village version of the five precepts that we wrote some time ago, and have been using as our own reference for several years.

• Aware of the violence in the world, and of the power of non-violent resistance, I stand in the presence of the ancestors, the earth, and future generations, and vow to cultivate the compassion that seeks to protect each living being.

• Aware of the poverty and greed in the world, and of the intrinsic abundance of the earth, I stand in the presence of the ancestors, the earth, and future generations, and vow to cultivate the simplicity, gratitude, and generosity that have no limits.

• Aware of the abuse and lovelessness in the world and of the healing that is made possible when we open to love I stand in the presence of the ancestors, the earth, and future generations and vow to cultivate respect for the beauty and erotic power of our bodies.

• Aware of the falsehood and deception in the world and of the power of living and speaking the truth I stand in the presence of the ancestors, the earth, and future generations and vow to cultivate the ability to listen; and clarity and integrity in all I communicate—by my words and actions.

• Aware of the contamination and desecration of the world, and of my responsibility for life as it manifests through me I stand in the presence of the ancestors, the earth, and future generations, and vow to cultivate discernment and care in what I take into my body and mind.

Even systems with broad ethical guidelines, and the ability to make subtle distinctions, sometimes fail to recognize their own, or is it perhaps the human, tendency to forget that the system is only a lens through which to view the world; and as such there are always limitations to its applicability.

If it were otherwise the world would be very dull. The reality is that no single perspective, or system, or body of teaching has the ability to address every aspect of life. History is filled with bloody attempts to do so.

How strange it is that the human mind, so capable of making subtle distinctions, so able to embrace the kind of conscious evolution it seems wired for, is also pulled back  strongly into the habit of fighting turf wars, and with such stubborn sectarian blindness!

Sometimes those turf wars are fought for social, political, or economic reasons; sometimes they are fought to challenge the frightening notion that someone has another way of thinking that might be as good, or better, than your own.

When considering Conscious Leadership, whether or not it is from a Buddhist perspective, we should include among the qualities it embodies, the ability to see things from others’ points of view. More than that, to respect, to embrace, even to learn to love, those ways of seeing and learning that are so ‘other’ than your own.

For a person with a hammer, every problem is a nail. For a person with an open mind, every problem is going to suggest the most appropriate perspectives, skills, and strategies.

Religious or philosophical systems are lenses, so too are political of social points of view. Skills and interests are lenses too, inclinations you may have, preference, likes and dislikes, habits. Conscious Leadership is simply knowing what is most useful at any given moment, for yourself, as well as for others.

In the words of the teacher Atisa, “It is the job of a Bodhisattva to be interested in everything.”

I listened to someone speak about a simple skill, a specific meditation, one that I have been teaching for many years. They spoke of its power, and how it has been used to transform lives, to save lives. They spoke of it as a rare and valuable commodity, a tool that is capable of bringing profound quality and precision to your life. They presented it as if it was something new, fresh, recently discovered – and indeed it was, in the way that they presented it, even though it is probably as old as human language itself.

What was it? More to the point, what do you know, what can you offer, that is as obvious to you as the air you breathe, embedded in your neurology, the Dharma of your life, yet which remains invisible to others? What is it that you embody and are not even aware of; which, when you become aware of it, when you show it and speak it will transform the lives of those around you?

Long ago I imagined living and working at a retreat on unspoiled land, far from the city, yet accessible enough for people to come here for workshops. I imagined that the land itself would be like a teacher. I imagined becoming native to this place, intimate with the animals and plants that lived here; as comfortable leaning on a rock in the silence of the night, far away from signs of our present century, as I would be in my own bed.

I imagined creating a sanctuary, where those who might not otherwise do so, could venture away from their challenging work in the city to renew themselves, revaluate, contextualize what they did. I imagined it in a single moment; and I knew it would be so.

The winter sun warms the ground, still wet from rain. The scrub-jays and jack-rabbits I watch from the window are not concerned with the global economy, or climate change. The new grass turns the landscape green. Two days ago we ended a retreat. Sometimes people come from as far away as Europe or Australia.

The Buddha and the Law of Attraction?

Meditation doesn’t necessarily make you a better person, or even better at what you do. Meditation is simply the power to direct the focus of your attention. How and where you direct your attention will determine the outcome of your meditation. Whether it makes you a better person, or more skilled at what you do, is entirely up to you.

Let’s say that everything begins with dreaming and imagining. Your attention moves you toward what you have already dreamed and imagined for yourself. What you take to be brand new, is often just a variation of your old themes. Then, once in a while, what seems to be the same old story, turns out to be an entirely new one.

You discover clues for understanding and living your unique and amazing life among the fragments of ancient dreams, or in the whispering of a yet-to-be-discovered one.

The Buddha spoke of intention as being central to every moment of our experience. Intention is at the beginning of every thought, every word, every action. No one knows where intention comes from. Even brain scientists are unclear about how the initial impulse of thought begins. Let’s call it a dream. Yet out of that dream there will always be choices for you to make.

You will naturally direct your attention to what you value — to what is important in your life. Learning continues forever, if you want it to … as you marvel at the way the world dreams back at you.

Some people say that we are like fishermen caught in our own nets. Some say that meditation makes things clearer, some say it just colors the dream with new colors.

We watch the geese fly overhead each year, south in November, north in February. The pond in front of our window is visited by bobcats, deer, blue heron, and red-tailed hawks. People sit there sometimes during silent retreats, re-visioning their lives perhaps.

Our dream is one we share with countless others. We draw into us what we already see. Yet no one can describe the rich patterns that are made there.

• To effect positive change
• To create a new business
• To provide a service, product, or information conduit than could have a profound positive impact on people’s lives

I’ve been meeting lots of people with solid integrity and a wealth of creative potential who still feel blocked from contributing on the scale they would like.

Perhaps you are one of them? Are you someone with creative solutions that you are not yet implementing or using to full advantage? Are you frustrated at not getting the full power of your work-message-solution out there where it belongs?

If so, there may a couple of missing pieces that you can add fairly easily.

Two missing elements. An integrated approach to successful marketing.

1. The means to get the word out to an audience that can benefit from your message.
2. The means to clarify, sharpen and refine your vision, so that your message comes across loud and clear.

Number one - how to create a fully functioning website, give it visibility, promote it using the array of means that are available, and gather a list of people interested in what you have to offer. Also, how you can use social media to it’s best advantage, and how you can make use of press releases, blogs, videos etc.

Number two – how to create and refine your vision, get out of your own way, develop a viable plan. and obliterate any emotional or logistical obstacles that are in your way. In other words, how to create the mindset to utilize these tools and make it all work. And then to GET DOWN and make it happen!

Regardless of where you are in your career, if your work and skills are as important as you know them to be, how much longer can you afford wait before getting it out there on the scale you know it deserves? Don’t you owe it to yourself and others to make your best talents and perspectives accessible?

Conscious Leadership Training Global looks forward with excitement to the trainings we will be kicking off in Sydney in April and May of 2010 that will specifically address your ability to make your important work available in ways that allow others to take full advantage of it.

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