Three Amazing Days in New York City
Michele Benzamin-Miki
A Conference with His Holiness the Dalai Lama
and Twenty United States Ex-prisoners Healing through Great Difficulty
September 2003
I was delighted and honored to be invited by Jack Kornfield to join a small group of seven Dharma teachers, to meet with twenty ex-prisoners, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama, for a conference on issues of incarceration and the practice of the Dharma.
We were also joined by several Tibetans formerly imprisoned in Tibet as political prisoners by the Chinese.
I have been teaching the Dharma and Meditation for nearly twenty years. For part of that time I have worked in the juvenile justice system. In addition to my ongoing work teaching Martial Arts and Meditation I have also recently started working with Native American communities living near our retreat center at Manzanita Village
I have met the Dalai Lama in relatively intimate settings twice before—my partner, Caitríona Reed, and I had spent several days with him at a conference for Western Dharma teachers in Dharmsala in 1994—and I have also attended teachings he has given at various times. I am continually impressed by the integrity and powerful wisdom and compassion of this “simple monk,” as he is fond of describing himself.
Thanks to the following whose generosity made my trip to New York possible: Dick and Julie Baldwin, Christy Barron, Richard and Adrienne Beattie, Howard Besserman, Sabrina Brahms, Linda Buckley, Cynthia Cain, Philippa Calnan, Karen Hawthorn, Renee Hirsch and Tammy McKean, Holly Hirtzell, Karen Horn, Jim Hopper, Dr Charles Johnson, Scott Kelman, Susanne Malles, Darla Martin, George Meyer and Maria Semple, Nina Moss, John Mudd, Kathleen Mulcahy, Norine Nishimura, Claudene Oliva, Judith Raphael, Annie Rowley, Rodney Sanchez, Jim Servis, Barbara Smith, Bernard Somers, Lavern Tamoria, Marvin Treiger, Kedrick Wolfe
The First Dialogue between the Teachers and Ex-prisoners
We arrived Tuesday at the Lucerne Hotel in New York City, seven Dharma teachers: Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Robina Courtin, Lobsang Samten, George Mumford, Soren Gordhamer, and myself, with twenty ex-prisoners from all over the United States.
We began on the morning of Wednesday September 17 th with our first panel dialogue between the teachers and the participants. We began by forming a circle to break any idea that there was a hierarchy of understanding or wisdom in the group. Teachers and ex-prisoners were able to listen to each other openly. The purpose was clear—how to alleviate the suffering of those still in prison.
Jack Kornfield began by giving a context to our gathering. He mentioned some well-known Buddhists—Angulimala and Milerepa, both of whom survived the profoundly dark journeys of their lives (as murderers) and attained Liberation. Jack acted as moderator through the day, always coming back to the question; “What was it that helped you through the difficult times?”
Some of us spoke about the prison of our thinking, and that imprisonment is not always a physical prison cell. Teachers and ex-prisoners had common grounds of experiences here.
We all agreed that the experience of freedom is freedom from what makes us suffer. Liberation or freedom are not dependent on being outside of the prison cell. There are those who have spent their lives outside of prison and still do not appreciate their physical freedom, and there are those in prison who live with a deep sense of inner freedom. Some people described leaving prison and still feeling the residual effect of incarceration, as though it had become internalized. Our common experience has been that the practice of the Dharma frees the heart-mind from any condition, circumstance, predicament, and environment and leads towards freedom of the deepest kind. I see this as Prison Dharma.
This first morning we explored the common ground of our experience. Most of the participants spoke of what helped them get through the difficulty of incarceration, and how important it is for them, now that they are free, to give time and energy to those who are still incarcerated.
It was inspiring to be in a room full of people who were willing to discuss what they had learned from some of their most difficult experiences in prison, and who had found ways to turn them into solutions and possibilities — both for themselves and others.
Here are a few of the individual responses to Jack's question “What was it that helped you through the difficult times?”
Luz Santana talked of her ‘outrage' and how it now helps her stay honest and connect to the bigger picture. She is outraged by the apparent lack of love and kindness in the world. “I make it a practice to be kind to others. This is my response to the lack of kindness in this world.”
Moses, a young African American man, talked about dealing with what he refers to as “the core reality,” the place one winds up, beyond all the fancy techniques, when everything else falls away, the plain truth. He told us a story of when he first got out of prison and was standing at a crosswalk, the light turned green, and he just stood there frozen, unable to move. He then realized, how much in his past life in prison he was told what to do and when to do it. When the opportunity came and he was outside the prison walls and got the green light, he couldn't walk, because nobody told him he could go!
Rabina Courtin, a nun and teacher in the Tibetan tradition said that the response of love and kindness is simple, no techniques involved, just say, “I am here for you.”
Lobsang Samten, a Tibetan teacher and former monastic, gave an honest account of when he began going into the prisons as a Dharma teacher. He had been a monk for many years, and believed that it was important to be of service. He said that when he first walked into the prison, many unexpected fears came up. He said, “I did not know what to expect, or what I would find in there, perhaps elephants and tigers and not men.” As he got to know these men and learned more about them as people he realized there were no animals in prison, only human beings.
In response to this story, a Native American man from Santa Fé, who leads sweat lodges, and teaches the native ways and songs to incarcerated Native American youth, replied, “In prison they try to take away your identity. Even animals have their identity.”
Soren Gordhamer, a meditation teacher, talked about when he first started teaching in the Juvenile Halls, how it upset him that the youth did not follow his lead with the meditation practices and yoga. He later realized they just wanted and needed someone who cared, who would be there to talk to them, and listen to them. This realization helped him be of better service later.
Walter Armstrong talked about forgiving oneself and extending loving kindness to the victims of ones crimes. He says that he shares this practice of forgiveness when he teaches in prison. He talked about the expansion of heart that this practice brings.
In my own sharing, I talked about the contemplation on loving-kindness, and how it transcends the walls both of the prison and of the heart. I found that when working with incarcerated youth, the practice of loving-kindness became the best-loved and most effective transformational tool. Contemplating first on oneself and on ones loved ones, being happy, safe, free from their suffering, and later the more challenging practice of extending kind thoughts to the prison staff, guards, those who had hurt them, and those they had hurt. I talked about the imagination. Our imagination is what created the world we live in now. So why not imagine Freedom, imagine Liberation? Through the power of the imagination sending and receiving kindness is possible.
We took a short break and were later joined by two Tibetan nuns and their interpreter, and one Tibetan man. All three had spent a great deal of time in the Chinese prisons as political prisoners.
Second Dialogue.
Between the Tibetan ex-prisoners and the other ex-prisoners
The blurriness of joy and the precision of pain -
I want to describe, with the sharp pain's precision, happiness and blurry joy.
I learned to speak among the pain . Yehuda Amicha
The nuns spoke openly about their experiences. They described in gruesome detail the torture and beating they received on a regular basis from the Chinese guards and the inhuman conditions of the Chinese prison. They were tortured because they refused to give up their religion, or relinquish the Dalai Lama as their spiritual leader. They refused to acknowledge Chinese authority over Tibet.
Their openness about their experiences took the group to a deeper level of trust and disclosure. The honesty of their suffering and pain touched us all deeply. When they were asked what brings them solace now, they replied, “communicating with the other nuns in exile, and talking about their experiences to the outside world.”
The prisons were crowded and they were not allowed to talk to one another, but now that they are free in exile, they constantly think about the other nuns still imprisoned, and it helps them to think that by telling their story to the world they are helping to free Tibet.
When asked how they feel about the Chinese they replied, “We feel only compassion for the Chinese.”
During their incarceration, the nuns expressed their forgiveness for the Chinese through meditation practices and contemplations. “Just as we are incarcerated, so are the Chinese. The Chinese guards are not free. They are imprisoned too. They are doing their job and duty, and suffer also, when they are forced to be cruel like that.”
One of the nuns said that she also contemplated the deeper karmic relationship between the Chinese guards and herself. The roles may have been reversed in her past life. “Perhaps I was a torturer, and the guards were my victims.”
This inspired the participants to share their related experiences. Here are a few of the individual responses:
The Native American man from Santa Fé expressed his compassion for the nuns, and described the struggle of indigenous people in the United States. Tribal nations were not allowed to practice traditional ways until 1978. The prison he visits in New Mexico is currently blocking his efforts to hold sweat lodges and teach tribal songs and ways to the native youth there. His work was showing results, and the only response from the prison staff was, it is getting too quiet in here, and boring. “I need ten letters to reinstate this program, and I will get them. I am not angry. It makes me feel sadness and compassion for the prison staff.”
Dylcia Pagan remembers her time as a Puerto Rican activist, incarcerated as a political prisoner in the United States, when speaking Spanish was forbidden in the prison, and how hard that was for her not to speak in her native tongue.
Julie Schuh spoke about how access to Buddhist teachings and meditation instruction is often obstructed by the prejudice of some of the Christian religious organizations working inside the prisons.
Ananda Baltrunas said that even if all the laws changed tomorrow, and we did not develop compassion, nothing would change. Compassion and kindness are the only way forward.
A Tibetan man, who was imprisoned for six years, a political prisoner of the Chinese, told us that what helped him get through the difficult times was reaching out and helping his fellow prisoners. This helped him forget about his own suffering.
Dylcia Pagan, a Puerto Rican, formerly a political prisoner in the United States, said our torture was not physical as in the Tibetan nun's case; “however we were tortured emotionally and mentally. They kept us away from our brothers and sisters.”
Julie Schuh asked the nuns, in the face of such adversity did their faith falter. The Tibetan nuns replied, “It never faltered, it just strengthened with adversity.”
Someone remarked, “Tibetans seem to have something that gives them an edge over self hatred. We seem to suffer in the West from this self-hatred.” The Tibetan woman, who was acting as interpreter, responded. “We grew up with the teachings of Compassion available to us from a young age. When Tibet was free we children went to the monasteries for an education in Compassion. This is the antidote to self-hatred. Times are hard for Tibetans living in Tibet. They are not allowed by the Chinese occupation to help one another anymore, and the people are afraid.”
Darlene Matthews said it was difficult to listen to the nuns' stories, and felt honored to be here with them. Speaking for the North Americans, she said, “Most of us participated in our incarceration. We signed up for it by our actions.” She was visibly moved by the nuns' experience as innocent victims of the Chinese occupation.
Towards the end of the morning sessions Jack raised the question again, “What got you through the difficult times?
Different people mentioned things such as: letting go of self pity; focusing on family; focusing on support systems; adopting new role models; meeting people who cared and were willing to help them; taking up the path of service.
Walter Armstrong said that the way out of his pain was not in avoiding it but moving into the heart of it.
Darlene Matthews told the story of one of her roommates, a pregnant woman who was serving a short four-month sentence, and who was spending her days lying in bed, not responding to anyone. At first Darlene felt distain for her—after all she was in prison for such a short time, but the whole cellblock of woman quickly came together to help take care of her. Darlene started to help other prisoners in similar ways. Before she knew it her sentence was up.
Ananda Baltrunas said that most of the people in prison take selfishness to an extreme. “There are a lot of big egos in prison. What connects us to a spiritual path is to get beyond what we think we are. What helps us is to connect to others, and the world.”
Darlene Matthews agreed with Ananda. “Yes. we have strong egos in prison, and they will test anyone coming in offering service.”
Moses wanted to remind the people who come into the prisons to help or teach that they should listen first without an agenda. “You will gain trust when you can see the prisoners first as humans with a common ground of experiences. Meet us first.”
Omar Villarreal, part Hispanic and part Mescalero Apache, and the only juvenile in the group (“I am one and a half months away from being 18!”) told his story. He used drugs through much of his childhood and adolescence of drugs and abused constantly. He was depressed for a long time by his sister's suicide. Now he is determined to better himself and to help other youth in trouble.
The morning was as inspiring as anything I have ever participated in. There was a sense of deep connection and deep communication between everyone as we broke for lunch. Our next meeting would be on the bus for a ride to the Mark Hotel to meet with his Holiness the Dalai Lama.
Dialogue Between His Holiness The Dalai Lama and The ex-Prisoners
All morning we had been looking forward to meeting with His Holiness. The intention had been to get to know each other so that the time we spent with him would be richer and deeper. Richard Gere, the main contributor of funding for this project, joined us. The teachers sat in a semicircle behind the ex-prisoners. The setting was informal and intimate.
His Holiness entered the room and greeted us all with his familiar warm smile and bows all around. It was particularly moving to see the sincerity and devotion with which the Tibetan nuns greeted His Holinesses. The room seemed to fill with hope.
Jack Kornfield introduced the Dalai Lama to the group, and the group to His Holiness (who I will refer to as HHDL in this dialogue).
Luz Santana began addressing HHDL, speaking for the whole group. She was sentenced to 20 years in a New York maximum-security prison. After serving 11 years, Governor Cuomo gave her clemency. Later she was offered a job at the same prison as a correction counselor. She currently coordinates a special unit dealing with inmates with mental health problems.
His Holiness then replied, “Good Story!” Laughter filled the room, breaking some of the tension and formality. His Holiness then added that the very nature of the human mind is that it is constantly changing. The mind is in flux, and given the right conditions, can do a 180 degree change of directions. He spoke of how the lives of both Buddha and Jesus were devoted to caring for people in unfortunate circumstances.Luz Santana continued by reflecting on how most people in this society do not have the skills of the Buddha and Jesus to transform those who are oppressed. We, as a society, need those skills.
HHDL described how at age 16 he lost first his freedom, then his country. "But I have never given up hope for change to happen in society. The Truth is its own Strength."
Dylcia Pagan introduced herself. “I am a former Puerto Rican Political Prisoner, released in 1999 by a pardon from President Clinton after serving 20 years for fighting for freedom of my homeland, Puerto Rico. I was raised in East Harlem, NYC and became involved in the civil rights movement, and then in 1980 was arrested and charged with seditious conspiracy and other related charges and sentenced to 63 years. In prison I developed educational and cultural programs for the other inmates, and helped create a Holistic Health program. It was here I learned meditation. When I left prison, programs were being cut back. A few programs remain. It saddens me greatly, as I think of those people still incarcerated.”
Fleet Maull spoke about the men's prison where he spent fourteen years. "It is a dangerous and violent place where there are rapes and beatings; and where killing someone or joining a gang becomes a way to simply survive.” He was indicted on federal drug charges and on the advice of his teacher (Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche) turned himself in to the authorities. “I served fourteen years in a federal prison hospital, and helped start the first hospice program in that prison. I am very concerned with the growing prison industry, a self-perpetuating system that is destroying millions of lives without really protecting society. How can we open our hearts and communities to those in trouble, both victims and offenders?” (Fleet Maull is the founder of Prison Dharma Network, and National Prison Hospice Association).
HHDL. “Yes, it is necessary to approach this issue from all directions and levels.”
A young Latino man talked about his experience with a parole officer, only the day before. He had been out on parole for just two months and was signing a form for the officer. He gave the pen back to the officer who immediately threw away the pen. The pain of repetitive humiliation was rearing its head again. “How do you get past the old anger?”
Fleet Maull then commented that this kind of humiliation happens in prison thirty or more times a day. There needs to be tools for people in prison to transform their anger.
HHDL. “The immediate thing to do is focus on one's breathing. Later reflect on the anger and the injustice.” He explained how reflection is different from thinking about your situation to the point that it becomes self-destructive. “It takes time to heal from this, give yourself time and deepen your meditation on this. This anger is a natural response. The challenge is not to hold on to it. The action you take will come out of this reflection and understanding.”
HHDL “The system needs to change, be reformed. Training needs to be given to the prison guards and staff as well. To expect it only from the prisoners is unfair. Change has to occur on all levels in order to be effective.”
Fleet Maull. The rate of suicide and spousal abuse of the prison guards is very high, and most die within two years of retirement.
Delmo Walters was born in Puerto Rico and is now living in the Bronx. After serving a 20-year sentence he has come back into the prisons to play stickball and other games with the inmates. The program has been well attendance and the inmates are enjoying themselves. But his efforts arouse suspicion because they are successful and he is now being blocked by the system, The program may soon be canceled.
Luz Santana talked about the opposition of prison system bureaucracy to programs for inmates. It adds to their work, and the programs are often sabotaged. The question she sits with is, “How do I transfer my passion to these folks (prison guards and bureaucrats) to gain support for initiatives and movements within the prisons.”
Moses talked impassionedly of the injustices experienced by low-income people of color, and of the high numbers of young African American men in the prison systems. What he said was a cry for help. His Holiness was visibly moved by this young man's urgency and his determination to bring attention to these issues.
Fleet Maull spoke of the way Prisons are now being privatized and how in some states they are becoming significant growth industries. There is powerful and wealthy opposition towards any change in the system.
HHDL. “Call on your Senators and legislature, and bring it to public awareness. Rules are made by the people and can be changed by the people. What are the movements in prison activism?”
Jack Kornfield pointed out to the Dalai Lama that many organizations and governmental institutions will not listen to a group of ex-prisoners. That is why it is important to have visible allies and spokespeople. That is why this dialogue is important.
Delmo Walters told of a gathering of 500 ex-prisoners in an activist movement in New York City. The police asked them if they had records, and they said they would arrest them all for disturbing the peace if they did not leave.
Luz Santana talked about children growing up with prison moms.
HHDL talked about the need for initiatives on many levels, to combine our forces, to make improvements in society. “The danger I see here is the attachment to a perfect society. This does not mean you can't improve the world. I am Tibetan, not an American. As a human being I am willing to help you at the humanitarian level.”
At this point we knew that his Holiness was with us and interested in the possibilities of future dialogues. There was excitement in the air.
One man talked about the practice of forgiveness. The teachings of non-violence teach the practice of forgiveness for the ones that have hurt you. How does one forget the injustices?
HHDL “Forgiveness and Forgetting are different. You can forget the action, but that does not mean there is forgiveness. The true meaning of forgiveness is to let go of all revengeful thoughts.”
Jazz, a Southeast Asian man, asked what practice could we do if the victims of our crimes don't forgive us.
HHDL. If you genuinely seek for forgiveness and have remorse for your crimes, then you can transform these feelings of remorse and turn them into genuine compassion towards the victim's inability to be free from their pain and suffering.
HHDL. “As a Buddhist we reflect on how everyone posseses Buddha Nature. Everyone has both the potential for goodness and badness. I have the same potential for committing a crime. We must acknowledge this. From a Buddhist viewpoint there is no reason for losing hope, and getting caught up in some kind of absolute.”
Julie asked the last question. There are so many rituals, and some of the prisoners find this hard to do. How important is it to practice all the rituals.?
HHDL. It is not important to practice the rituals of Buddhism. Many people practice the rituals of Buddhism, but not the heart of Buddhism.
This was a good note to end on. The Dalai Lama's time was up, and he had to go to another meeting. We all gathered for a group photo (that will be up on the website soon). When the Dalai Lama left, the room was filled with a greater hope.
Final Dialogue with Richard Gere, the Teachers and Participants
We gathered for a final discussion with Richard Gere. He expressed his gratitude for being a part in this amazing event. This was the fulfillment of an idea he had two years ago, and was made possible with the dedication of his program director Jennifer Greenfield, who was also present.
Richard Gere met the group with humility and humor. He joked about his position as a white rich man within this circle of folks and said that his money can be very helpful. He even told us that before the Dalai Lama went into the elevator he said to him, “it is the White people that caused this, isn't it?”
Many of the folks in the room expressed excitement to have his Holiness on board for the future dialogues. He is with us, a humanitarian team player.
Moses said that his Holiness is the grandfather everyone wants, so real. Many of the participants were deeply moved by his presence and approach. “Not holy in the sky, but present and engaged .”
The film crew was deeply moved, and expressed excitement over the possibility of millions of people seeing this.
The conversation then went back to the realities of the ex–prisoner's facing their paroles. Delmo Walters talked about his five year parole and how impossible it is, living in the Bronx, not to violate it. Just being on the same block when a crime is committed can get him locked up again.
Some expressed that ex-prisoners are still paying for their crime even when they are out of prison. While being an ex-something in society means you are no longer ‘that,' being an ex-prisoner means you are always a criminal.
Where do we go from here? Everyone agreed that it is vitally important to keep in touch and continue working together. Some expressed a need to address the voting rights of ex-prisoners on a national basis. Some said how important it is to remember that society reacts to us the way it does because we have caused pain to society, and not to forget the victims of our crimes. Some responded by saying that there is no way that they can forget that they did harm. In response, George Mumford, an African American meditation teacher, said, “As an ex-heroin addict, I can live with the addict, but I don't have to identify with it.”
Moses said, “I'll always remember his Holiness saying that everybody is born good and has the capacity to do bad things. But to find myself means educating myself, so where are the monks going around 183 Bronx to spread the love?”
In response, Richard Gere said that the Dalai Lama also told him, “Don't turn them into Buddhists. This is not a Buddhist enterprise.” He also said to remind us all that we must remember to stay in touch with the prisoners that are in for life.
We all went for a meal at a Tibetan restaurant. Then I went out with seven of the participants for a walk through Times Square!
The next morning the teachings with his Holiness began at the Beacon Auditorium . . .
