When I began practicing Buddhism in my early twenties I often went on retreats in which each participant was charged a fixed price. Most of the time I couldn't afford that fee and ended up on the “work and sit” program, bartering labor for dharma. Then I began a nomadic life that landed me in a variety of sanghas that did things differently.

In one particular group there was no fee for teachings. I was told that we could give “dana”, a donation which came from my own sense of generosity for what is given to me from my teacher. This practice of giving was new to me and I was immediately thrown into anxiety and confusion. I simply couldn't determine what to give! On the one hand I was grateful for the dharma and the teacher and I wanted to be generous but then I was also holding on to the notion of how poor I felt, how little money I had to give. Additionally, there was a small part of me that believed I could get a “bargain” by just giving the minimum and receiving such incredible teachings.

This was the beginning of my practice of giving dana and it has transformed over the years. Slowly I came to sit and look deeply into the angst I felt about giving dana. I asked myself repeatedly what was underlying the tension and confusion. I listened to the answers. I wanted to hang on to what little money I had out of fear that I would be left with nothing. I wanted to get something for free because I was tired of working so hard and wondering if I would ever get ahead. It was satisfying just to get something. Then finally, I always thought that because I didn't have much I shouldn't be expected to give much; after all, let all those rich dharma students contribute.

Once I became aware of all these attitudes I began to relax. I knew that I didn't want to give dana out of these states of mind. So, I began a mini-dana practice for myself that I have continued up to the present time. Whenever I have the opportunity to give dana I sit and contemplate what I have to offer. I scan my body for any tension and reflect on what might be the cause. I listen and then let go. Then I ask myself what I want to give and always an amount arises in my mind. I give that amount.

The dharma is priceless and the teacher is a gift. The dana I give comes from knowing that I cannot transform my mind on my own, that I need the teachings and someone who has worked on themselves enough to share the clarity and beauty of the Buddha's words. When I give from my true self I experience a peace of mind and deeper sense of gratitude for this practice and all of my teachers who have guided me back to the path countless times.